Month: April 2006

FRIDAY JUNE 18 2004 3:50 PM

‘Sup…

Yeah, I like ’86d my Crapcast internet connection at home so I’m not able to make enteries that often anymore…

All is well though. I just got back from SLC. I went to all the free Mormon movies I could at the temple visitors center… I learned that the Mormon generousity – on which they pride themselves – does actually have a limit, especially if they catch on to the fact you’re not interested in their ‘other’ testament of christ.

Heard this fuckin’ band that ROX on Austin City Limits, (Friday nights on pbs… yeah that’s right I watch pbs on friday nights, I’m still cool) anyway they’re called Spoon. I swoon when I hear spoon and I’m not even a girl!!!

Man… well that’s all for now.

If one day you come home and decide that it is more important that a drumkit occupy your kitchen than a table, no one is there to argue with you.

“Your page is complete, unadulterated, crapolla. It would brighten each and every one of my days if, when I log off of my hotmail account on a daily basis, my thoughts were no longer contaminated by the frivolous drivel that you apparently think well enough to publish. Thank you for this opportunity to express my opinion.”

My fall quarter rotation advisor came up to me after my winter rotation talk (for my winter rotation I had a different advisor) and asked me if I was interested in joining his lab. I told him that I would be quite pleased to do so and that I could start in the summer. He said that he has a great project planned for me that would entail stimulation of a “reward nucleus” in the primate brain that would be triggered by selected activity in the motor cortex – a sort of positive feedback loop a la brain machine interface.

The project he descibed is very much the sort of research I hope to pursue and I felt a great sense of relief to have found a lab. I thought to myself “finally my hard work has paid off”.

And then he says “… we’ll see.”

Talk about head games. Thanks for getting me all hyped up on a maybe.

Things are going very ok… I really can’t complain. I survived a rather harrowing last quarter. I gave a rotation talk went better than expected and I think I earned some respect from those whom I respect – which is always a good feeling. The systems neuroscience class that I’m taking this quarter is lightyears more coherent to me than the barrage of molecular biology that I was forced to confront in the fall. The list goes on. The short of it is, I should be happy with the progress I’ve made, and equally so, I should be happy with my scholastic situation as it presently stands…

So why do I feel SO EMPTY these days? I don’t really feel much of anything. I don’t enjoy music the way I used to and I seemed to have lost my comical view of things. It’s as though I’ve desensitized my capacity to feel to such an extent, as a means to get through hard times, that I can no longer detect the joy I should experience during good times.

I need to pay more attention to my own wants. Grad school be damned.