Month: December 2009

“The next time you decide to heave an overturned shopping cart at the bus, make sure you grab it where it won’t lacerate your fingers.”

A friend of a friend of mine is a jet engine mechanic.  One perk of his vocation involves occasional outings to semi-exotic locations to be wined and dined by engine manufacturers.  At one gathering, the corporate hosts set up a demonstration to tout the durability of their product.  Apparently, a bird can critically damage your average turbine engine if it is unfortunate enough to get sucked into the air intake.  To counter this unlikely, but allegedly serious hazard, the company claimed it built its jets to withstand passage of airborne foul weighing up to 20 lbs, without so much as a hitch in their get along.

To simulate such an event, they aimed a gas-powered cannon directly at the intake of a stereotypical engine.  The cannon was loaded with a ~20 lb. frozen turkey purchased from the supermarket.  The turkey would be propelled at a velocity comparable to that of a commercial airliner in flight.

On this particular day, come scheduled demo time, the presenters noticed the specimen to be propelled had not completely thawed.  The audience agreed to go to lunch and would watch the spectacle on their return.

Back from lunch, the engine was started up and the cannon was carefully aimed and pressurized.  The audience waited eagerly.  On release a loud yowl could be heard over the blast.  It terminated when the somewhat larger- and greyer-than-expected payload impacted the turbine blades.

The engine whined unnaturally and eventually cut out under the abuse.  Smoke and flames began to filter out the exhaust.  Among the remains were teeth, claws, fur and blood.  As best as they could figure, some stray cat smelled the thawing turkey and crawled into the cannon while folks were away at lunch.  As payment for his decadent last supper, the feline then met a dramatic, well-attended and quick end.