Stylist:Ryan?
Myself [instinctively raising my hand]: Present.
Stylist: Hi. Follow me.
Myself: Is there some place I can set this?
Stylist: Sure, over there. So… what are we doing with your hair today?”
Myself: I need a trim. Badly.
Stylist: OK. Where and how much off?
Myself: Like three-quarters, all around.
Stylist: Uh, three-quarters of an inch or three-quarters of your hair… what?
Myself: … of an inch.
Stylist: What do you want to do with the back?
Myself: Leave it!
Stylist: …and the sides, what about them?
Myself: I’m not sure. Can you make me look half-way presentable without taking too much off?
Stylist: I guess. Can you give me a little more to go on…?
Myself: Alright. I’m growing my hair out because I’ve got band pictures coming up. I’m planning to sport a style that I need to grow my hair out for.
Stylist: Uh, alright… can you tell me what?
Myself: Yeah I guess… It’s kind of embarrassing — a Mullet — there I said it.
Stylist: Ha ha! That’s really horrible.
Myself: Yep, that’s the idea. This mop has been driving me crazy for months. I hope the end product will be worth it.
Stylist: Glad you finally gave in and told me. At least now I have an idea of what I can do.
Myself: I just want to look presentable without having too much cut off.
Stylist: Does your band have a photographer lined up?
Myself: Kind of. Sears. We’re gonna get their package laden with 11×17″s and wallets.
Stylist: Will you get to choose your own backdrop?
Myself: Counting on it.
Stylist: Is the rest of your band doing this?
Myself: No. The mullet thing was my idea though my buddy has got a bad sweater in mind.
Stylist: You know what’s gonna happen, don’t you. The day you get that cut it’s gonna snow or something and all the shops will be closed and you’ll be stuck with your “hair of the gods.”
Myself: Worse yet, I’d probably end up on the news or something.
Stylist: For sure. Well I’ll do my best though it goes against all of my training and instincts not to do something with the back; you’re starting to get some wicked curls goin’ on.
Myself: Don’t worry. I don’t got to look good right now. These have got to be the strangest instructions I’ve ever given a hair-stylist… like ever, ever.
Stylist: Maybe so, but they’re far from the strangest I’ve ever heard.