BAD Country Song No. 1

Every so often, when Jane and I are driving around and find our popular radio song options to be unsatisfactory, we’ll tune in to a country station. And, usually, there’ll be a song with lyrics so cheezily sentimental that I burst out laughing (or burst out gagging). Here’s a song that illicited such a reaction from me last night after I heard it for the first time:

If heaven was an hour, it would be twilight
When the fireflies start their dancin on the lawn
And suppers on the stove and mammas laughin
And everybodys workin day is done

If heaven was a town it would be my town
On a summer day in 1985
And everything i wanted was out there waiting
And everyone i loved was still alive

Chorus:
Dont cry a tear for me now baby
There comes a time we must all say goodbye
And if thats what heavens made of
You know i ain’t afraid to die

If heaven was a pie it would be cherry
Cool and sweet and heavy on your tongue
And just one bite would satisfy your hunger
And there’d always be enough for everyone

If heaven was a train it sure would be a fast one
That could take this weary travler round the bend
And if heaven was a tear it’d be my last one
And youd be in my arms again

Chorus:
Dont cry a tear for me now baby
There comes a time we must all say goodbye
And if that’s what heaven’s made of
You know i ain’t afraid to die

[Andy Griggs: If Heaven…]

There are plenty more bad country songs that I need to share. This post is the first of a series to come.