STOP FUCKING WITH MY SHIT!!!
Two weeks ago, I came home to find that a pack of you shiftless cockgobblers destroyed my bike with your cowardly vandal shit while I was out of town. SHAME ON ME for leaving it unattended in my own yard for a night.
Ten minutes ago, I walk out of my practice space and find my car, unlocked, windows down, e-brake unlatched, partially blocking an intersection right smack in the middle of downtown Portland. Some mutherfuckin’, post-fraternity backwards capwearin’, fuckassed fucklick, drivin’ a late-model, raised w/oversized tires, chevy pickup, probably on his way to some Abercrombie and Fitch Gala in the Benson Hotel, decided on pulling/bending down my driverside window by wedging his fingers into the 1/2 inch crack that I left for my car to breath. He must have then reached in with his arm, unlocked my door, unlatched the brake, and pushed my car forward in the path of sign in the curb — that, luckily, prevented my car from going all the way out into the intersecting street– to make room for his gas guzzing, “manhood” increasing, never taken off paved roads and never to haul any payload of any kind, behemoth boy toy in it’s place.
Right now I want to return to that space, EITHER to take down his license plate to report him OR to bash in his faggotyassed, aftermarket headlights. I won’t. Either course of action would invariably make my life more complicated. ItI’m sick of being shat on, especially by THE WORST PHYLUM OF FUCKTARD… some spoiled ass, ass-primpin’, pud-poundin’, golf shirt wearin’, prepster ass shit bird who believes that he is so much better your common man that he can desecrate Joe Public’s shit at random and without consequence.
8 replies on “ATTENTION: All Scum Sucking Fuckwipes of Portland!!!”
What is up with all these pranks? Not funny people. I think it’s time to do away with our ideas of practical jokes that are just not funny to the recipient. Thus I propose to allow a waiver of liability for anyone who suffers at the hand of one of these pranksters to evoke physical harm short of death.
Why didn’t you call the cops? Ain’t nobody got no right to mess with your shit.
Screw Portland. Move someplace else. Like Cleveland! Cleveland rocks! Or Seattle. Whichever.
Attila::: Dude. If there exists enough ass cankers in Jolly ole Portland for my shit to be fucked with I don’t even want to think of what sort of random acts of vandalism my bad karma will run into in Seattle.
JKF:::: I think you should devote your law expertise to developing such a waiver. As for cops, well… cops would most certainly make my life more complicated. It’d be the right thing to do of course, but I’m not willing to devote the effort. No damage was done even though it was a thoroughly ROTTEN thing to do.
Ryan,
Don’t move to Concord, MA, which is where I currently reside. EVERY guy here is 6’3″, tan all year round, wears white polo shirts without feeling weird about it, sandals in the city and fake-weathered fitted baseball caps.
just a pack of blue-blooded lily-white SUV driving dropout trust-fund mutherfukers!
I’ve seen similar violence surface recently in preppy little D-town here. So sorry folks feel the need to krap on your karma! Aggrevating that people have to be a$$e$ to feel important or superior!
Holy Crap BRJ and Agengrgal, thanks for the warnings on typical Cambridgideer and Davisite personas (respectively). There is no escape from the sort of folk that you describe. The only way to combat their takeover is to follow the advise of the great Al Jorgenson of Ministry who proclaims: “Be your own person!”