Leon says: “Now R***, let me tell you why I threw out all my metric tools…”
an’ [while breaking lugs put on a spare tire on my Honda Civic], I thinks: “Dumbass.”
an’ I says: “[sigh], oh really Leon, what made you up and do such a thing?”
an’ Leon says: “It’s the principle of the thing… ya’ see.”
an’ I says: “Uh, I didn’t know one has to have principles to own tools.”
an’ Leon says: “Shit yeah!”
an’ Leon says: “Ya see, our great country didn’t get to where it is by followin…”
an’ I thinks: “Naw we became “great” by pillaging: both resources and people.”
an’ I says [skeptically]: “Really!?!”
an’ Leon says: “…Our nation became great by leadin’; let all them other countries convert to metric, we ain’t gonna, ‘cuz we’re number 1 and we don’t got to do a damn thing they say, see… “
an’ I answer: “I’ve used both metric and standard…”
an’ Leon corrects: “…American…”
an’ I says: “…Whatever. Truth be told, metric’s easier and make’s a shitload more sense.”
an’ Leon says: “My dick’s 4 inches, not 580 millimeters or centimeters or whatever!!!”
an’ I thinks: “Thanks for sharing. Would you leave me alone now.”
an’ I says [itching my scalp with my grimy hand]: “Oh, you make a good point.”
an’ I thinks: “With that amazing power of argument it’s no wonder you’ve gotten as far as you have.”
an’ Leon says: “Well I’ll get off my soapbox now. You wanna come inside and get a piece of cake?”
3 replies on “Chronicles of Leon: Part II”
That is such an amazingly logical argument, how could you argue with it? That is the reason I will never again live in the Midwest, nor talk to anyone in my family older than I am. They don’t have the ability to realize how stupid they become when they swallow the tripe dolled out by Fox news (formerly network news). Ah, thanks for the memories.
And who is Leon again?
Leon’s my neighbor up here in Seattle. He’s helpful most of the time, but he’s also the nosiest sum’bitch alive.
Neighbors, even when they are mostly good, just have to suck in some way.
I’m sure I’ve been sucking for my “I can’t help being anal-retentive because I’m German” neighbor, because I’ve decided to use my side of the driveway to store yard waste. I’m so WT. But I don’t care. Especially since he’s really German-american, which is a MUCH different than a real German (I know, let me tell ya). How’s that for being pretentious about someone else being pretentious?
My new goal in life, eliminate pretentiousness, along with irony, and flatulence. It’s harder than you’d think.