The histogram indicates I usually post every 3 to 6 days. Regrettably, I let 12 days lapse between my previous post and this one (depicted as broken red line). Clearly this instance was unusual (but not anomalous) as it lies in the tail region.
I’ve got excuses upon excuses on why I did not get around to writing this week, but I will spare you those. Let me say that it won’t happen again.
Year after year, I serve on our department’s graduate student admissions committee; the most labor intensive, monotonous, pain-in-the-ass duty our department grants us (current students) the “privilege” to do. I’d rather stay home in my dank apartment, chew on tin-foil and shove thumbtacks under my fingernails than sit hour-after-hour ranking people. No student ever serves on the admissions committee more than once, except me. Why? Because I hate hosting/babysitting/ego-stroking visiting scholars even more–even if it only lasts a day or two. That’s our alternative.
There is another reason I volunteer: reviewing fantastic applications makes me feel small, unimportant and undeserving. I torture myself this way to expose my own insecurities and bludgeon them. One day, all that will remain will be one confident, thick-skinned, unmerciful badass. Dispute that thug-logic.
Four more to go through tonight. Gods grant me the strength.
On a lighter note: some guy “got busy” (with some girl (or at least I think she was)) in the A Pizza Mart bathroom the other night. If witnessing Digital Underground lyrics realized isn’t inspiring–even if the medium was some obnoxiously pubescent hipster dude–I don’t know what is.
Back in Portland, when my friend bought his car, his dealer said “come on man, give us some credit… this isn’t 82nd Ave.” Not only did I buy my car on 82nd, I took the bus to the prospective car lot and deboarded right in front of the salesmen. Negotiating prowess must skip a generation because my dad’s tactical shrewdness I did not inherit.*
The fact that the car I bought was stripped of it’s rear speakers, the stereo was inoperable (i.e. “locked out”) during the test drive, and the salesman claimed he did not have the code to “unlock” it, would have raised some flags for your average used car buyer. Not for me and my turnip truck-fallin’ bumpkin ass. Two weeks and $100 later, a (legitimate) Honda dealership unlocked my stereo and I was eager to finally listen to CDs in my car!
Disappointed was I. The system only generated sound in the band of like 163 to 164 Hz. It would only accept CDs when it damned well felt like it, and would only play them if I tapped “the correct” sequence of taps on the display face. In a spectacular example of 1995 technology, CDs would skip for 5 minutes following each and every road disturbance, no matter how minor. [I embellish here, but not much.]
Fast-forward to 2005. The morning before the first midterm of the first class in the first quarter of my first year, it snowed. I emerged from my domicile to find my driver’s side window bashed out and my fantabulous stereo swiped. The driver’s seat lay partially covered in a peaceful white blanket adorned with a sprinkling of tiny blue cubes. My first thought: “Of all the respectable car stereos in Wallingford, why’d they go to the trouble of stealing a stock stereo out of a ’95 Civic? That’s like snagging the one cat turd in a sea of Almond Roca… FUCK!” Rushing inside, I searched for plastic to cover the cavity. Zip-lock sandwich bags and packaging tape were all I could find. Hurriedly, I MacGuyvered up a quilt, covered the hole and high-tailed it to my class.
Two weeks ago. After three years of car-stereolessness, my friend took pity and gifted me a battery powered CD player (and batteries) for Christmas. A very thoughtful gift that I very much appreciated on my drive up from Woodland.
Thank you Carolyn.
*Though I should give myself some credit:
Salesman: “How about this Dodge Neon.”
Me: “No thanks, I’ve heard they have problems.”
Salesman: “Oh, you just need to replace the head-gasket at 80,000 miles–they’re notorious for that.”
Me: “Isn’t that synonymous with ‘shitty car’? How about that Honda hiding back in the corner over there.”
A couple nights ago I submitted the following application to the online dating service: www.sugardaddie.com. Careful I was not to violate their stipulations for membership. Still, after composing my description I was far from convinced they would actually accept me. So, I screen-dumped the application before hitting submit, just in case they wouldn’t grant me access again. Unfortunately my worry came true; the next morning they did not grant me access to my application or the site. No explanation given. I guess I’m just not their kind of people. Truthfully, I’m guess taking this rejection kind of hard…why don’t they like me? I’d like to think that the reviewers took the time to carefully review my application, description and all. More likely, they rejected me outright when I selected the “less than $100,000” income bracket.
My great grandma Dangerfield was born and raised in Something-or-other-shire England. She brought with her all sorts of weird traditions (and superstitions) that ruled her thoughts and deeds into her late nineties.
I hope I got some of those longevity genes–or perhaps there was some truth to her ideas.
Anyways, every Christmas Eve, on great-grandma’s instruction, my grandma would pour brandy over carrot pudding (supposed to be plum, but a dark, motley, bread-composed mass all the same), turn out the lights and set it ablaze. Blue flames encapsulated the lump; they oscillated about it’s surface for a good 2 minutes or so. We ooed and awed. It was then cut it up, an alcohol-derived sauce was portioned over the pieces which were finally distributed to its audience for consumption. It really didn’t taste all that great. But I loved the warm, stupid feeling I felt after eating it.
Thanks go to my family for nurturing my love for alcohol at a young age!
Displaying super-human patience, my parents endured mine, and my sister’s, unrelenting feedback on their in-car track selections (without strangling us) while simultaneously driving one of the worst cars ever built (’86 Ford Tempo). While forcing us to listen to their bad music (rated below) could be considered child-abuse, we made sure to make their listening experience miserable at every opportunity.
[I] Would have liked to go out last night but my raised-in-California-ass fears driving in the snow–especially with bald tires. Last year, I found myself climbing the treacherous snow slicked hills of downtown Seattle in my not so heavy or powerful Honda. I tried to put on chains but they flew off 20 feet later. That experience I dare not repeat. To add insult to injury, I discovered this motherfucker…
…this morning as I scraped off my windshield.
Waaah!!!
Never thought I’d say it, but I miss the whole real estate mortgage bubble. Not out of greed or dreams of owning a home or any of that shit. It’s because these days there’s no escaping penile enhancement ads. They plague the internet like anthrax. “Hundreds of thousands of men have tried Vimax pills”; complexes induced in all. It used to be when I logged into myspace or gmail I’d see dancing aliens surrounding a variable low-rate mortgage offer. They too annoyed me, but I didn’t realize that they outbid penis enlargement slime. If I wanted to spend my time in such an atmosphere, I’d go here
It’s the nicest storefront along Lake City Way for a half mile in either direction. Notice the litter-free parking lot, manicured shrubbery, expensive signage, ashtray and video camera. The employees there probably get health benefits and shit.
Now this gem is in sharp contrast to the used-car-surrounded smut-huts on Portland’s 82nd Ave. The raunchiest of which sat across the street from my favorite Chinese restaurant–the subject of my first ever blog posting: Sauteed Green Beans.
Oh the progress I have made…
On November 21st, 2008 at approximately 3:58 p.m., Seattle Police Department officers responded to the report of a strong arm robbery that occurred in the 1400 block of N.E. 50th Street in the alley east of University Way. The victim (a female) was walking eastbound on the north sidewalk of N.E. 50th Street when two males and one female emerged form the alley. One of the males wrapped his arm around the victim’s throat and held her while the other male went through the pockets of her jeans. The female suspect stood there and watched. A pre-paid cell phone and $500.00 in cash was taken from the pockets of the victim.
On Thursday, November 20, 2008, at approximately 2:40 p.m., a UW female student was the victim of a robbery at the bus stop in the 4600 block of 25th Avenue N.E. Four suspects were involved in this incident, two males and two females. One suspect, a female wearing a black puffy jacket, blue jeans, and red shoes, took the victim’s cell phone. After taking the cell phone, the female suspects left on foot, and the two male accomplices boarded a bus. The male suspects were later located on the bus and arrested by Seattle Police. The female suspects are both still at large. The victim was not injured.
On Friday, November 14, 2008, at approximately 10:45 p.m., a UW student was the victim of an attempted robbery at the corner of N.E. 45th St. and 16th Ave N.E.. The suspect, a female with long straight blonde hair, approached the victim and attempted to steal her purse. The victim wrestled with the suspect, they separated, and the victim ran into a nearby house for safety. The suspect then took off running in a northbound direction. The suspect was wearing a black puffy jacket with fur around the hood. The victim was not injured.
On Thursday November 13, 2008 at 3:20 pm, a male UW student was walking eastbound on the Burke Gilman Trail under the 45th Street viaduct. According to the victim, the suspect who was described as a 6′, 250 lb male jumped out of the bushes, grabbed his wallet out of his hand and assaulted him with a stick. The suspect took the victim’s cash out of his wallet and threw the wallet on the ground. The suspect departed in an unknown direction. The victim sustained a bump on his head and was released by the Fire Department at the scene.
On Monday, October 20, 2008, at 10:23 p.m., a 19 year old male student was robbed by two men while walking southbound on Brooklyn Ave. N.E. where it intersects the Burke-Gilman trail. The suspects approached the victim from behind and implied they had a gun, but none was seen. The victim was not injured. The suspects fled the area after taking personal belongings from the victim; some of the victim’s property was located a short distance away. The victim did the right thing by not struggling with the suspects; no amount of property is worth risking your personal safety.
On Sunday, October 19, 2008, at approximately 1:30 a.m., a 24 year old male student was assaulted by an individual with a folding knife near the intersection of NE 50th and 17th Ave. NE, Seattle. Just prior to the assault the victim and the suspect, who was unknown to the victim, had been arguing. The victim sustained a stab wound to his leg and was treated at UW Medical Center. The suspect fled the area prior to the arrival of police.
The UW Police Department has received confirmation of an incident that occurred on September 20, 2008, on an outdoor stairway that connects 21st Avenue Northeast to 22nd Avenue Northeast near Northeast 52nd Street. Sometime after midnight a man assaulted a 21 year old female student by punching her, jumping on top of her and groping her. The suspect is described as a Caucasian male, wearing a black hoodie style top and blue jeans. The student was able to push her attacker away and run to safety.
In order to decrease the chances of becoming a victim of crime, you should:
* Walk with friends, especially late at night or early morning hours.
* Use the Husky Nightwalk services by calling 685-WALK(9255)
* Be aware of your environment and alert for possible danger.
* Remove yourself from potentially dangerous situations as soon as possible.
* Call 911 to report suspicious activity or persons to the police.
…In order to decrease the chances of becoming a victim of crime you should…