In my experience, the most enlightened person seems to be the person who does not take himself or herself too seriously; an individual who is not afraid to look foolish in front of others or admit to others that she/he may have done something ridiculous.
Everybody does foolish things from time to time. Everybody. The true fool is the person who does not recognize this in himself or herself.
I don’t understand people who don’t/can’t laugh at themselves. I sincerely have no concept of how a person could function, let alone be happy, without the capacity for self-deprecating humor (that does not deprecate a person’s self-esteem at the same time, that is). Every once in a while I come across somebody who appears to be, at least by the persona that they present to others, without this ability. Even if those individuals truly are above folly, and have no flaws by their own appraisal, such individuals seldom smile and do not seem to be enjoying life – which, in and of itself (to me) is a huge flaw.
It’s obvious to me that the majority of the people in my new department are both kind and intelligent people who are trying to impress one another. I don’ t see anything wrong with that by itself. I’m noticing though, that this desire to be impressive is strong enough to keep people on guard, all of the time. Surprisingly, this desire is not unique among us newbie grad students, I see the same tendencies in young professors to old ones. I think the atmosphere (euphemism for competition) can get so intense that people resort to searching for flaws in their peers as a means to feel better about themselves. I do not respect this. The intra-department gossip here, I’m finding, is fierce… and ugly. It makes me uncomfortable, induces the anxious feeling that I feel in my gut.
In case any of my classmates are reading, let me spare you the suspense: I have flaws. I say and do stupid things a good portion of the time. I do care about the impression I make, but ideally, I would prefer not to care. Think me an idiot, think me a fool, it’s the substance of a person that matters, not others’ impressions of that person. I think that I’m pretty substantial (ha ha).
[A fortune cookie told me that I think and live philosophically… So I’m going with it!]
2 replies on “Ugh”
Academia, where people stab each other over reputation, not money.
Maybe you’ll shine a light of clownery in the midst of the darkness. The best phrase to learn, that can be used in all situations involving self-absorbed academes is: “Psshhhhht. Whatever.” I use it alot.
Been there. I just can’t bring myself to care about the politics of school, and work. It’s exhausting and depressing just to think about.
On a positive note I suspect in the long run you’ll have a better opportunity to get to know your colleagues. Once the start to notice that your not wrapped up in the catty politics they’ll either be pissed that you think your above it (who needs friends like that anyway), or they’ll be comfortable enough to be themselves around you.
I imagine you’ll make a few good friends, and leave the rest of the folks to become the victims of their own treachery. Muhahaha, your an evil genius now!
-o.g.